Ask Jay: How do I tell my boyfriend I want to hang out with my guy friend?
Q: I want to hang out one on one with my male friend now and then (and we’re genuinely just regular good friends). How do I bring this up with my partner?
Are you really genuinely just regular good friends? It’s been my experience that guys aren’t friends with girls unless they’re interested in them in that way.
And most guys feel the same way, which is why you’re going to have a stumbling block when it comes to mentioning this one-on-one friendship with this dude.
The best chance you have is convincing your partner that you aren’t interested in your male friend, which your guy will probably believe, but you’re probably not going to convince him that your male friend isn’t just lying in the reeds waiting to pounce once he’s out of the picture.
Try having all of you hang out together and see how that dynamic works, and then maybe you’ll have a better idea if this guy is actually your friend or just playing a really long game.
Q: How can I tell whether my work husband’s feelings towards me are purely friendly or something more?
Alcohol! Lots of alcohol! Or not. Sounds like you want him to have more feelings towards you than just being your work husband.
The easy way to do it is to try to spend more time with him outside of work settings. Drop casual invites for dinner or drinks, or both.
If he wants to go, then you can try to read him while you’re not doing so much work and being more social.
If he declines, that’s a pretty direct sign that he’s not interested in you outside of work.
You could wait for him to drop an invite, but it’s 2022 – stop waiting and start dating. (I just made that up. You can use it if you like.)
A man in a female-dominated industry
Some industries are dominated by women, such as nursing, education, real estate and social work. How do men feel about being drawn to these industries?
As a former fashion model, I know what it’s like to work in an industry that is more strongly associated with women. Fashion isn’t predominantly women, but it definitely feels as if it skews more female than male, yet it never bothered me.
In fact, as a straight guy working in fashion, where there are a lot of women (very attractive ones, I might add) and a lot of the men were gay, it was awesome, because there was less competition from other straight guys, and there were a lot of women (did I mention that they were very attractive?).
That’s a good thing, from a dating perspective, about being a man working in a female-dominated industry.
In the regular population, the sex ratio is 101 men to 100 women, but in an industry like nursing, in the US, only 12 per cent of the workers are men. Those are good odds.
Chances are, a guy who is drawn to working in a predominantly female industry isn’t bothered, because he chose the work he wants to do, plus he’s introduced himself into an environment where being a man is rare.
That actually makes me want to go into nursing. Except I did work in fashion (where the women were super attractive, did I mention that? Oh, I did…).
This article was first published in Her World Online.